Media, You're Being Creepy

This is actually terrifying.

Come now Mainstream Media; it's clear you heavily dislike the guy for ideological reasons. You hate him because, despite all the smearing and nonchalant assassination tips, he defeated the Crypt Keeper in a blonde wig and managed to prove just about every Democrat media shill wrong with nothing but self-aggrandizement, a dead cat toupee and millions of frog memes. It was like watching the disabled kid accidentally trip the school bully into a trough of nails with the words "PRAISE KEK" written on the side.

I understand this was probably stressful for you. But no one expected you to turn into the villain of a 90s proto-slasher flick.

A round of applause for my MS Paint skills.

No one wanted this. We're all worried. You even hired an expert to study the woman's every fidget, flinch and presumably fart ("There! You hear that slightly higher pitch at the end? It means 'Help! He's posting another Tweet!'"). Did you happen to find this expert perched atop a ladder near a catholic girl's school dormitory?

I mean I'm sure there's wars going on in other countries and everything but here you are analyzing grainy footage for any sign that she might need your help. It's like Gary Busey in "Hider in the House."

I can only call this film "Hilarifying."

I honestly don't mean to bring up all these stalker movies but I can't help it. It's happening naturally. I'm genuinely afraid that Donald's going to go to the White House front lawn one morning and find the bloodied head a German Shepherd hanging from the flag pole, like what Mark Wahlberg did in the movie "Fear".

See? I did it again! And now I'm imagining some sort of tense climax where Chris Cuomo, sneaks into the Oval Office with an axe, yelling, wild eyed about how he "loves" Melania and that he wants to "save her from the meany frog man". Eventually him and Donald have a fist fight on the roof and Chris gets knocked off and impaled on the wrought iron fence. And as he dies slowly, his body sliding down the metal spikes of the most powerful office in the world; Donald looks down on him, raises his finger and says....

"YOU are Fake News."

Credits.

I forgot what I was talking about. I'm on the phone to 20th Century Fox. It'll be huge!