"'I think people feel oppressed when equality is closer,' (Emily) says. 'So if you were once the king of the hill and now everyone's almost on your level, you feel threatened."
Well clearly the BBC have once again displayed for us their boundless talents in finding experts with, not only their finger, but their entire face and spleen on the pulse of modern society. These so-called "Involuntary Celibates" are obviously taking breaks from their positions as CEOs and Texan Oil Barons to take to lightning scarred, cobweb lined internet forums and post screeds against women and feminism for fear that other people may finally be "on their level."
Even as I type this from my gold plated limousine next to my eternally submissive and large-chested trophy wife (all gifted to me at the moment the doctor lifted me up to slap my arse and observed that I had a dick and balls) I can tell you that I am - quite frankly - embarrassed. I am embarrassed for my gender. I am embarrassed that these lonely, socially awkward unfuckables (who are probably also poor and unemployed *spits*) are giving men like me a bad name.
So at the risk of mansplaining I thought I would opine on the subject of what to do with these pathetic, ostracized undateables; and after thinking a full five minutes about it I have come to a very simple conclusion as to what our next move should be:
More ostracism.
Look, say what you will but I think it's been working quite solidly so far. We've lured them out with our seemingly compassionate call for men to "start sharing their feelings more often" (*spits*) only to slap them down when they do. We forced them to crawl back into their dark, jizz-stained subreddits to fester and be influenced by some of the worst of their kind and... well, I think we've got a good thing going. And if we keep at it then we might just get them to kill themselves, which can only be a net good for society.
Listen, I have it on good authority that suicide is a big killer for men under the age of 45 in the UK at least. THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH, PEOPLE. We should be aiming for at least 55. Listen, my logic is sound. The more men commit suicide, the less incels there will be in the long run. Just saying. And yes, I'm aware that at least two of them have taken out various people with them. But I've done the calculations and I've found that it's very likely that some of the people they took out were probably maybe incels as well.
The ones that weren't... simple collateral damage. It's for the greater good.
Now some of you might consider my solution somewhat unsavory, but quite frankly, what else is there to do? Make prostitution legal and nationalize all the brothels...?
Holy shit.
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Guys, I need help to draft up my manifesto. Corbyn and his "free hospital parking" are getting a run for their other people's money.
