A Modest Proposal for the Changing of Men's Attitudes - Armchair Solutions

Men. They're just awful aren't they?

Now, now, don't get me wrong. When I say "all men are awful" I don't mean to say I hate men or anything. I mean that societal norms make men awful. Make no mistake, it may seem as though things like street harassment and sexual assault are widely condemned to an almost hysterical level in western democracies, but quite frankly that is a ruse. 

Sure "Women and Children First" may have seemed to some like a benevolent rule created by men for the benefit of those they considered worthy of protection and therefore proof of the high regard women have had in society for centuries; but take a closer look at it. Are we really considering men taking away a woman's choice to drown herself and possibly her children aboard a sinking ship as some sort of good natured act? 

Wake up ladies. What you may see through the tears in your eyes as you sail away on the overly crowded lifeboat watching your husband of many years slowly sink to a briny death at the bottom of the sea, sacrificing his life for that of you and his children is in fact a calculated, patriarchal act. He is saying "You are not allowed to die. You must continue to cook, clean and generally sacrifice time you could have otherwise have spent partying, having one-night stands and becoming a CEO of a major company to care for my spawn. My spawn who will either grow up to be a patriarchal male or an oppressed female proletariat. And when you die, having continued this cycle, we shall meet again in the afterlife where you shall serve me for all eternity." 

Some might call it "playing the long game". I call it misogyny from beyond the grave. 

It is a ruse that the BBC (once again, not just fingering, but outright sexually assaulting that societal pulse) continues to perpetuate, seemingly pushing for further action against the epidemic women are facing.

At first glance this is a definite win. These measures seem totalitarian enough to not only "eliminate sexual harassment of women and girls by 2030" but to outright exert control over society for the full on benefit of the feminine class. I mean, hell, I didn't even know pornography on public transport was even a problem. And consulting women's groups before licensing strip clubs? Let me ask you; is there anything MORE feminist than controlling whether women get jobs or not?

Pictured: "Brave Feminist Warrior Explains to Women Why They 

Should be Unemployed" - 1922 (Colourized)

But again, I ask you to wake up my feminine brethren, for the BBC is naught but a wolf in sheep's clothing. These recommendations may seem invasive to a level approaching the East German Stasi but I tell you it isn't enough! Men will simply resort to viewing porn in the privacy of their homes! They will  pay sky writers to illustrate finely detailed murals of their penises in smoke trails over the houses of their targets! 

Ban pornography you say? Sure. But be ready for a black market in Japanese art the likes of which you have never seen, sisters.

I'm probably on a watch list now.

"But what CAN we do?" I hear you shriek horrifically. Well, it's simply a question of what is proven to get things done. And anyone who has been following the Brett Kavanaugh proceedings over in America knows, there is but one thing that has proven to be effective in changing the public's perception time and time again. 

Mobs of highly emotional activists.

And as we all know, this resulted in the government overturning the nomination and the public voting for exactly who we wanted them to vote for. People respect passion. Mentally ill levels of passion. They respect political fervor to the point of utterly terrifying extremist action.

Thus my proposal to change men's attitudes towards women indefinitely:

Each man will be assigned a feminist activist with a megaphone. Upon leaving their house this feminist will follow him wherever he goes and if ever he appears to have an impure thought the feminist will shriek chants and slogans through the megaphone directly into his ear, resulting in a negative association with impure thoughts towards women as well as an overall more positive outlook on women as a group probably.  

Also severe hearing damage. But that's what they get for being born with a dick.

…….

Speaking of which you're probably wondering how these feminists will know whether a man has committed a sin of the mind. Well we all know that men will immediately disrobe, swing from lampposts and hoot like a baboon if they so much as see a woman but there are some men who are able to control their natural urges to the point where it cannot be immediately spotted with the naked eye. Thus I come to my second proposal:

We create a device specifically designed to wrap around the male penis; like a cock ring but with small spikes on the inside to read muscle movement and blood distribution.

U.N Human Rights Council Approved

Whenever the man catches sight of an object of his desire - such as a woman, a child, a horse, etc - the device will send a signal to a small beeping box inside the feminist's hand, thus foiling the man's chances of mental respite for one second of the day. 

Now some may be questioning the feasibility of this plan considering only around 9% of women in the UK, for example, consider themselves to be feminist; meaning there is a deficit of women who might be willing to harass men on a regular basis for the cause. Well this simply says to me that we are in more dire need of feminism now than in any other time of history; and it is disheartening to see women turning their backs on the collective. This of course leads me to my third proposal:

We train women to be feminists by assigning multiple women to one man, showing them the beauty of sisterly cooperation by having them shriek incessantly at men they don't know for things they may or may not have thought or done at some point. And in order to protect the new recruits from the daggers of the Male Gaze they will be permitted to cover their feminine forms with loose fitting opaque overalls. 

The following is a photoshop artist's representation of what this proposal will look like: