It's almost three in the afternoon. I got up at about half past twelve after dreaming about something I can no longer remember. I had actually woken up about 12ish but my mind had convinced itself that the air around me was infected with various, government made pathogens and my duvet cover was the only thing in the world stopping me from dying an awful, blood shitting death at the hands of the Tory party. I tried to distract myself with an episode of the Rubin Report but my Wi-Fi cut out on my phone. Shit! They're trying to bore me out of bed! I consider crawling along the floor under my duvet to reach a working phone, call Alex Jones and demand that he tell my story before my skin sloughs off and leaves a mess for my flat mates to clean up.
Just then I get a message from a nice girl I met on Match.com some weeks back. Somehow my phone can receive contact from other humans but it can't stream the Rubin Report. I then realize that our government couldn't arrange a lynching in a red state so I wrack my brains trying to find another strange reason to not leave my bed. As I concoct a story about the book case suddenly gaining sentience and a taste for human genitals the nice girl calls me a "lazy bum" and demands that I go and face the world. I get up and sluggishly pull on my clothing. A pair of black track bottoms, a Ghostbusters shirt and a hoodie with the words "Keep Calm and Kill Zombies" that probably hasn't been washed since the sweat shop it was made in was caught in a monsoon. I find out that I've left my washing in the basket for too long and now I have to wash it again. This never would have happened if I had stayed in bed. I hope she's happy.
She is so far the only person that has responded to one of my many half arsed messages on Match. Somehow she found my obvious lack of human charm intriguing, as a scientist looking upon a rat with the arm of a Sudanese child grafted to its back, so we have remained in contact. Very much like that rat, I stumble with little to no balance through the flat, past my flat mates who are discussing important things like how not to die of starvation in a first world country, grab a bottle of cider and watch the last episode of The X-Files Season 10.
I'll be honest, I don't know what to make of it. My dad and I stopped watching half way through season 9 due to us both thinking it was shit. It was so long ago that I can't even remember why. All I know is that I finally had a look at the second movie "I Want to Believe" and despite a few interesting ideas and some nicely shot winter environments, it was pretty underwhelming. You'd think a movie starring Billy Connolly as a psychic, pedophile priest who lives in a commune of sex offenders would hold my attention a lot more easily, but honestly it just comes off as though they wrote a 40 minute episode of the show and decided to pad it out with some bollocks about Scully possibly having to torture a dying kid to prove a point to her boss which took up time they could have used to develop their villain characters further than "weird Russian guys."
As for Season 10.... Like I said, not sure what to think. Episodes 2 through 4 were actually pretty decent, with episode 3 being the stand out masterpiece of the lot. Episodes 1 and 5 through 6 were.... written by Chris Carter, the show's creator. Which if you know anything about the show should probably give you an idea as to how they were. Carter was honestly capable of such brilliance in earlier seasons (the hilarious and creepy "Syzygy" in season 3 being a great example), but here he engages in pretty much all of his faults. The first and sixth episodes (The 6th being the direct sequel to the first) try to build up a very large conspiracy story in a span of 80 minutes and does it in the most alarmist, Alex Jonesian fashion that makes it hard to get into the suspense that it's trying to generate. William B. Davis makes a cool return as the Cigarette Smoking Man, but kind of ends up being relegated to the role of disfigured Bond villain.
The fifth episode "Babylon" has apparently been accused of Islamophobia (a ridiculous word if ever there was one) since it deals with a Muslim terrorist. None of it comes off in any way bigoted but once again it shows Carter engaging in some of his less desirable traits; punctuating serious themes with clumsy, weird humour. It honestly could have been a great episode, with the show tackling some topical themes, but I found it hard to take seriously. Which makes me wonder how others took it seriously enough to brand it as bigoted, when all it really did was acknowledge that Muslim terrorists exist.
Whilst I recommend episodes 2 through 4 mostly, overall the series doesn't quite capture the moody weirdness of the original series. I ended up going on ITunes and purchasing the first series since I haven't watched it in years.
I had a quick surf around the web and finally decided to check out this whole Christina Grimmie business. I don't watch The Voice because I don't really have a fetish for watching unknowns play the dancing monkey to a crowd of howling sheep and a line-up of hired scowlers and professional judgement artists, so I've only really just gotten round to finding out about this. All I can gather so far is that a young girl was killed, people who never met her are mourning like children at a screening of Bambi, feminists are turning it into an issue of violence against women and the far left in general is turning it into a gun violence issue. Because that's what you do when someone dies. At least now that dead gorilla will get some peace.
My flat mates have left the house. Presumably to do more important stuff. I have to go back to bed. The floor has become radioactive and I'm developing lesions on my feet and legs.
See you next week.
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